Friday 13 December 2013

Santa Claus Arrested for Child Slavery Crimes

Santa Claus - "Jolly Old Saint Nick", "Father Christmas", or "Papá Noel" - has been arrested and faces extradition after being convicted of sending poor tiny children up chimneys to do his dirty work.

The popular figure was caught red-handed while forcing a boy down a chimney with a large pointy stick.

The child was later found to be carrying mysterious 'gifts', which a police unit destroyed in a controlled explosion. "I'm innocent", said Santa, as he was led from court in chains, "I spread joy to the World!"

"Mister Claus is being charged of child slavery", said the Prosecutor," The child found at the scene has been indentified as Tiny Tim, who went missing almost 250 years ago in Old London Town. We suspect Claus of being behind a whole bunch of child abductions."

"They do all the dirty work and he takes all the credit. He claims he goes down each and every chimney - but come on, it's impossible. He's much too fat."

Posters about Santa Claus’ criminal career have sold in massive numbers. Claus officially registered his image with the patent office - all royalties go direct to his Lapland bank account. He owns a fleet of flying reindeer, a sleigh and a magical bottomless sack.

He also has secret factories around the world, where it is said hundreds of thousands of child-slaves work all year round producing presents. So far, police have yet to discover where they are.

"Child slavery is wrong", said the Head of Child Protection Services, "and any one supporting this distribution of presents is just as guilty as Santa".

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